I was going through some old stuff and, much to my surprise, I found an old High school letter from a former friend.
It read about that one time I had a guy like me and how I was constantly turning him down. Not so long ago, I remember reading an article about “Nice Guys”, and it basically described that situation to a T.
Why? This guy liked me. That much was obvious, but what made it bothersome to me was how insistent he was, even after I clearly said that I didn’t want to date anyone. And it was true, I was concentrating on prepping for college and was looking into doing some social service in my choice of career and I had little time for friends, much less a boyfriend.
But apparently, it wasn’t about me or what I wanted. It was about HIM. My (now former) female friends were nagging, literally, that I should give him the chance and, when I asked why, their reply was this “But he’s so nice and care about you”. No. He didn’t care about me. He cared about himself and trying to make himself look good in my eyes.
I’m not a particularly prickly person, I like smart and funny men who work. I’m not asking for an Adonis either, but my problem with him was that his whole attitude was so goddamn off putting.
I grew up listening to Nirvana, Pearl Jam and Depeche Mode. I blame my uncle, bless his heart, he’s always been the intellectual kind of man and did what he could to make me see and explore different things. And quite frankly, I’m thankful.
I tend to do my thing and like what I like and dislike what I do and I don’t apologize. This guy? I could have said that I liked pink glittlery ponies (I HATE pink) and could have answered with “Me TOO!”. Dude, get a life.
I guess what bothered me about the whole incident was that no one seem to be respecting me. Or my wishes or decisions on the matter. What I wanted it didn’t matter. I should just like him because he was nice.
I should say that the only two people who really got how ‘I’m about to choke a bitch’ I was were my to BFF (male and female each). Hell, I was even accused of secretly dating someone else. Even after I had said like a gazillion times how there wasn’t anyone I was interested at the moment (the guy I wanted to date had change State). And that I was concentrated on my studies.
Argh, look at me, I’m rambling now. But anyway, I didn’t say yes. I never dated him, still don’t like him. I guess what I’m trying to say is this: Don’t let anyone push you into a relationship you don’t want. You do you. And yes, people are very likely not like that, but stay strong (easier said than done, I know).
I found myself to be happier in the end. Because I won’t let anyone shoehorn me into their version of me. This is me, take it or leave it.
Edited to add: A big part of the problem also was that he never really asked me out. He just went around all “Look HOW AWESOME FRIEND I AM, LOOK AT ME!!” with his attitude but never got the guts to ask me directly. Dude, I was having none of your shit.
Also it was awesome to see his hissy fit when someone he hated volunteered to give me a ride to pick something up.